Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Ballooning the Esophagus

It's coming.

Those decisions that need to be made.
You know, the ones that seem so difficult, but in the grand scheme are really quite trivial.

It seems Raquel's trivial moments are when I look into her eyes and try to differentiate between getting right into panic mode or just watch a benign little cough.

This morning it was back to the thick blood stained mucous.  Her coughs started out small enough.

At least we basically slept through the night.  Ren got up and half asleep I wasn't even sure if it was for Raquel.  A short time later I heard her call for some help.  It didn't sound too urgent so I closed my eyes to gather just another few seconds to reset my brain so that I was ready and capable of dealing with what ever was needed of me from yonder, but the second call never came.  I tightened my eyes and relaxed into a long awaited deep sleep.

Like I said the morning became very stressful and while I watched the clock turn 15 minutes past when our nurse was to arrive I realized I should have probably checked the messages. Thankfully Dammit Janet was able to help out for a few hours, except I'd already been lost to frustration, helplessness and stress for the day.

It culminated only moments after Janet took hold of Raquel when I couldn't find a DVD or CD or something and proceeded to absolutely loose my marbles and pulled a little hissy fit chucking empty cases wherever the wind and momentum would take them.


Nice that I call a friend in to help and I go ballistic with a few CD's and covers within minutes of her arrival.

I'm thinking this will be a reoccurring theme for the week.  Me losing it in milliseconds.
The intubation procedure of putting a breathing pipe down into Raquel's trachea was the straw that broke the camels back when Raquel went from being able to eat fish and other foods to not being even able to drink rice milk once and a while.

I don't see any other way.

Even though I have complete fear of another horror show as was with re-bandaging Raquel post G-tube surgery? 

I can only hope the anesthesiologist learned a lesson of what not to be repeated.
I know the crew at the hospital has done a surgery of this type a short while ago, so I hope no one is on holiday, retired or taking a day off.

Haha or Renata and my marriage will take a few day hiatus.