Thursday, January 12, 2012

It's not getting easier

Raquel has been in tough for a while now and it's not getting better at all.
I had hoped by last blog that we'd turned the corner, but this is not the case.
She keeps getting blisters and the healing ones look nasty at this point.  She's been shaking in her sleep by painful tremors that shoot up her leg and the issues carried on into the morning.  Yesterday I finally phoned our pain Dr. for some advice about my taking her off her morphine a few weeks ago.  Roughly a week before it started to fall apart for Raquel.
In fact I think we're now in new territory with the amount and size of blisters on her body.  It's really hard to imagine this type of scenario while Renata would have been away in Czech.  Or worse me being away and having Andrew or Dammit Janet doing changes.
I'd have lost my marbles looking at the images from afar.
But still, once Raquel gets her chance and she has enough medication to break through she's back to her playful self.  It's been quite amazing to watch hour to hour, day to day, balance vs mental and social breakdown. 
I hate the fact I have feelings sadness when I look at my battered child's skin. 
I hate that I have to make her so uncomfortable while lancing and cleaning her sores.
Thankfully today she was out of it, due to her low dose requirement from being off it for so long and didn't suffer too much while I was poking and prodding at her feet while draining two new large blisters.

Anyway, she'll get over it.
Soon, I can only hope.

1 comment:

  1. I have learned over the years to embrace the good days! The good days give you momentum to get through these tough days! The areas that keep blistering will eventually get better, it takes time and patience, yep they will blister and blister, but then one day it won't! Keep perspective, from 14 years of experience!

    It's not easy seeing your child in pain! The one person who can help you through this is Dr Bennett or dr Rosen Harris from Bcch ! Both great psyhchologists that can help work through the emotional pain you as parents feel as well as Raquel's pain!
    Keep your chin up! If I could go back I would have worried less and enjoyed kourtney more! I know hindsight is always 20/20!