Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Midnight Howling and My Little Xgirl

The little quiet moments we had today, where I'd thought we'd turned the corner, was - ahh premature.
Full fledged howling for an hour or so last night at about midnight, rocked our world once again.
In a moment of desperation I took her to the front door and outside for a cool breath in hopes of calming her. 
The shine from the nearly full moon lit up our faces.  She did settle some, as the change of atmosphere started to show it's effect.
My mind started to wander while I rocked her nervously.  The mind is a funny thing when it's stressed tired and not having a fricking clue what tomorrow holds.
With Cordelko life was simple. 
It was a dream in nearly all cases.  So what if she'd scream in her bed for an hour because she wanted someone to fall asleep with her?  Her parents just wanted the evening to cuddle and relax.
Just turn the volume up. 
Maybe change movies and watch an action movie. 

Fight fire with fire. 

In the end and what ever antic or malady came our way never amounted to anything.  She's simply a well loved, healthy, semi adjusted 5 year old who knows when the fix is in.  Even when I'm at my manipulative best, she never lets her daddy get one over on her of who's gonna eat the last chocolate, berry, pancake etc...  Coy and in fun, she plans ahead and almost always wins.  Then on occasion shows her humanity and shares with her vanquished foe.

With Raquel it's just not the same. 
What lengths will she go through in her battles of will and determination once an adult?
Not only does she have some strange gene coding that screws up the production of vital proteins in her skin.  That in a moment of miss care, clumsy movement by us or a miss guided exploration by her can turning her entire body into the surface of the moon in what I can only relate as a August meteor shower.  To what is a truly eventual episode.  Not exactly so regular as our wonderful northern summer nights watching stars fall on our atmosphere.  The world is fortunate to have the equivalent of Collagen 7 keeping out all those nasty objects from pocking the earths surface.  Destroying the beautiful forests, plains, wonderful cities, villages and scenery.
With Raquel it's the other anomaly in her genetic coding that troubles me.  A mutant coding.  A strange and so far one of a kind sequence not yet explained or shared in medical journals. 
It's random and confused. 
Out of sync.
What is it doing?
What will it do?
Is it something that will surface later in life?
Has it already started to take effect?
The full light of the moon was still shining on our faces, her forehead was scrunched in pain, irritation, hunger, over tiredness, stomach ache, morphine requirement or the clausterphobia of her wraps, any of it, all of it.
Who knows? 
Just then in the rock of my arms her forehead and cheeks slowly started to melt into a relaxed calm sleep.
A beautiful, quiet, fulfilling sleep...
I paniced.
I raced back inside pulling her out of the moonlight.
I can't have that mutant unexplained gene coding turn her into some type of Xgirl. 
One day she'll be off to save the world from doom and evil.
Ren and I will be the old couple sitting on our worn out armchairs watching her on the news waiting and wondering when she'll come home from her obligations that so clearly would be out of her control.
She's my little girl.  My beautiful little girl, I don't care that she causes great stress and suffering in Ren and I.
I just want a normal family.
The world can find another superhero somewhere else.




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